A drug is a substance
that when injected into a guinea pig produces a scientific
paper.
The
consumer is not a moron. She is your wife.
The
only moment a pedestrian has the right of way is after he
has been placed in an ambulence.
Did
your father die a natural death? No, he had a doctor.
Drinking
before driving is putting the quart before the hearse.
An
American visiting London saw a restaurant which claimed they
could serve any dish that was requested. So he asked the waiter
for a crocodile sandwish. The waiter came back a moment later
and said: "I'm so sorry, sir, but we've run out of bread."
Taking
your wife to Paris is like taking a sandwich to a banquet.
A
weed is a plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.
A
depression is a period when people do without things their
parents never had.
If
you were my husband I would give you poison. If you were my
wife I'd take it.
After
they got off the train the bride said: "Darling, let's
try to make people believe we have been married a long time."
"All right, you carry the suitcases."
