growth hormone ad extremis
ZAPPA ON P.D.
supplements, which have been advertising on the Internet and through
spam for many years now, have been notorious for not living up
to their claims. Thousands of people have paid up to $100 per
bottle for these miracle drugs, despite massive numbers of testimonials
have been adamant that their products work, and many have expressed
confusion over lawsuits and repeated demands from customers for
refunds. Early this week, the mystery of why penis-enlargement
pills do not work may have finally been solved.
this!" said Cliff Wittstock, 42, pointing to a huge mound
laying in front of him, covered in towels. "Thirty days later,
I'm twenty-six feet bigger! This isn't what was supposed to happen."
a spam e-mail from CockGrow, Inc. in early June which promised
to increase his penis length and girth by three inches for a mere
$75 plus shipping and handling. Wittstock, whose penis was just
slightly below average size, figured that he had nothing to lose.
A few weeks after placing his order, the bottle arrived and he
began to take the recommended dosage of three pills per day.
said that I shouldn't stop taking the pills until I ran out, at
which point I would have to order more," Wittstock explained.
At first, he says, there was no change in his penis.
then, on Day 28, it was like holy shit!" he said, patting
the mound. Wittstock's penis grew more than seven feet in length
over one night, and more than three inches in circumference. "It
was like a thick rope."
stopped taking the pills, yet enough enlargement supplement has
remained in his system to cause another nineteen feet of growth,
and a whopping fourteen inches of girth. Wittstock has been forced
to remain home from his work as an industrial welder, and must
push a wheelbarrow bearing his coiled-up penis in order to move
founder Cody Lockman, a 23-year-old high school drop-out who turned
to the Internet to make easy money, told The Daily Bull that CockGrow's
secret ingredient is a blend of herbs that he bought from a street
peddler in New York.
complaints, FDA authorities performed an inspection on Lockman's
basement and discovered that the 4000+ orders that he has filled
in the past year have been created from the same 30-gallon batch.
It appeared that
Lockman had failed to stir the pill mixture enough, said inspectors,
and the secret herbs settled to the bottom, rendering pills made
from the top mixture useless. Wittstock's order was scraped from
the bottom of the vat, and was subsequently made from near-pure
Dr. Forrest Nash told The Daily Bull in a telephone interview
that Wittstock must avoid arousal at all costs until surgery can
correct his problem.
slightest erection could drain his entire body of blood, causing
him to loose consciousness," Dr. Nash said, "so we will
have to install pumps at various intervals along his shaft to
correct this problem, and of course, there will need to be many
an immediate problem, says Wittstock. "My wife is spending
a few days at her mother's while she comes to terms with this.
My biggest problem is pissing through something the size of a
Tyrannosaurus tail," he said, referring to a constant drip
of urine from the end of his gargantuan member.
The human bladder
lacks the strength to shoot a stream of urine through such a long
tube, and medical experts have estimated that it takes three hours
for one drop to travel the entire length of Wittstock's penis.
of the CockGrow inspections, the FDA is recommending that men
cease taking any kind of penis-enlargement supplement until the
manufacturers can be tested for proper stirring techniques.
with the permission of The Daily Bull.